Congratulations to John Kerry – the Democratic Presidential Nominee. With wins in 9 of the 10 Super Tuesday states, Kerry is the last standing major candidate as John Edwards is expected to drop out today. The only primary Kerry didn’t win was Vermont as, despite dropping out, Howard Dean picked up his home state. At least the good doctor will always have Vermont. President Bush called Kerry last night to offer his congratulations, to which Kerry responded, “Go fuck yourself.” Or maybe he really said, “I look forward to debating the issues of our nation’s future.” Either way it’s going to be a long and nasty campaign. Chris Matthews remarked, “8 months?!? You can have a baby in nearly 8 months.”

Aristide is bitching from his exile that he never left Haiti voluntarily and that he was the victim of a U.S. coup. Maybe so. It’s hard to condone removing a nation’s elected leader but the bottom line is that we saved the guy’s life and prevented a hell of a lot of violence that would have broken out if the rebels stormed the capital.

Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield, Jason Giambi... steroid junkies! This is bad for baseball, very bad. It’s been obvious from looking at the size of these ballplayers that something’s been up but now the shit is hitting the fan. Giambi is now a fraction of the size that he used to be and looked downright sheepish when reporters questioned him yesterday. And Sheffield’s rep released a statement that he never “knowingly” took steroids. Didn’t take them long to break out the legalese.

This use of illegal steroids makes Pete Rose’s gambling seem insignificant by comparison. Yet he is the one who is barred from the MLB Hall of Fame. Enter Vince McMahon! Rose is being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame at WrestleMania. From 1998-2000, Rose made cameo appearances by getting into scuffles with Kane. So on March 14, Kane will present Rose with his plaque. Jesse Ventura will be on hand too. Can’t wait to see the wacky shenanigans that will ensue!