It's February 29th...that's something we only get to say once every 4 years. That's right, it's Leap Day and I feel bad for all the babies around the world who will be born today. They can either choose to celebrate their birthdays on Feb 28 or March 1, or they can only have birthdays every four years. If they choose the latter, then they would be alive for 84 years before technically reaching their 21st Birthday. Not a bad way to stay young I guess.

Update from Haiti. Aristide has fled the country and will soon be replaced by another regime just waiting to be overthrown.

Today I'm going to New Jersey to visit some family members and (gasp) might not be home in time to catch the beginning of the Academy Awards. Oh well, that's what VCRs are for. After all, can't miss Billy Crystal's opening monologue.

Rumors are FLYING that the United States has already captured Osama Bin Laden. Those rumors have come out of Iran, always a highly reputable source. The U.S. and Pakistan have strongly denied those reports since Iran is one of those bad countries who lies all the time. But we did admit to having intensified the search for Bin Laden which leads one to wonder if Bush has an October Surprise in mind. Bill Maher thinks that the Republicans are going to drag him onto the stage of Madison Square Garden during their convention. I say that if you're going to bring Bin Laden to MSG, do it at WrestleMania in two weeks so he can get his ass whupped by the WWE superstars!

Big mess going on in Haiti. Very messy. What a mess. We should help them out right? Nah, they don't have anything we need. Forget it.

The big winner at the Razzie Awards was... "Gigli"! Worst Picture! Worst Director! Worst Screenplay! Worst Actor for Ben! Worst Actress for J-Lo! Tomorrow's Oscar contenders can only hope to do so well.

Goodbye, Richard Hatch. The original Survivor winner was unanimously voted out last night and was his cocky self until the end. As predicted, they first merged into two tribes of seven. After Ethan successfully caught a fish, his new team may have gotten the impression that he’s a good provider, making Richard expendable. (That and Rich’s constant nudity may have gotten on their nerves) One person who sure didn’t appreciate Rich’s nudity was Susan Hawk. He not so inadvertently rubbed up against her during the immunity challenge, causing CBS to flash a disclaimer warning. (They sure are jittery after the Janet incident) Previews for next week show Susan ranting to Jeff Probst about it so maybe the network is worried about potential for a sexual harassment claim. Richard just can’t avoid controversy!

The Academy Awards are Sunday and below are my predictions as to who will win.

Picture : “The Lord of the Rings”
Director : Peter Jackson “The Lord of the Rings”
Actor : Bill Murray “Lost in Translation”
Actress : Charlize Theron “Monster”
Supporting Actor : Tim Robbins “Mystic River”
Supporting Actress : Renee Zellweger “Cold Mountain”
Adapted Screenplay : “Mystic River”
Original Screenplay : “Lost in Translation”
Foreign Film : “The Barbarian Invasions”
Animated Film : “Finding Nemo”
Original Song : “The Lord of the Rings”
Original Score : “The Lord of the Rings”
Cinematography : “Master and Commander”
Art Direction : “The Lord of the Rings”
Film Editing : “The Lord of the Rings”
Costumes : “The Lord of the Rings”
Sound : “The Lord of the Rings”
Sound Effects : “Pirates of the Caribbean”
Visual Effects : “The Lord of the Rings”
Makeup : “Pirates of the Caribbean”
Documentary : “Fog of War”

I just don't have anything I feel like saying today.

But on second thought, it's Thursday which means that when nothing else comes to mind, I can always give a "Survivor" prediction. With 14 castaways left, they're teasing a surprise. Methinks that they are going to merge them into two tribes of seven. Not knowing what the new tribe makeup will look like, I cannot predict who will be voted out! But it should make for a good episode.

It’s Ash Wednesday. Party down.

Lots of controversy about “The Passion of the Christ”, which opens today. I dunno, when it comes to movies about the crucifixion, I think I’ll stick with Monty Python’s “Life of Brian”. Remember to “Always look on the bright side of death...Just before you take your terminal breath.”

Disturbing news yesterday that Bush is backing a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriages. The good news though is that its not going to happen. Republican Congressional leaders have pretty much conceded that they don’t have the votes. So why did he do it? Most likely to rally his electoral base. That and a recent speech where he blasted John Kerry and John Edwards shows that he is getting worried!

Three more primaries and caucuses were held last night, all of which were easily won by Kerry. The most amusing part was that in Hawaii, the Democratic Party leader conceded that they would probably get a low voter turnout because everyone would be staying home to watch and vote for a Hawaiian contestant appearing on “American Idol.” Hey, at least they know which elections matter!

On “24” last night, the terrorists released their biological virus into the air vents of a major L.A. hotel. Too bad that Kim wasn’t in the hotel.

Today is Fat Tuesday. Party down.

Gay marriage. It’s the great civil rights issue of our time. What’s happening in San Francisco is downright inspiring as gays from across the country are making a pilgrimage to obtain the same legal right that straight people have always enjoyed. Mayor Newsome deserves credit for having the courage to go through with this. Not surprisingly Bush is making noise about a constitutional amendment banning it. (Way to endorse discrimination.) I don’t know how long the marriages will be permitted to continue but I believe that one day, as Americans open their minds and their hearts, such marriages will be commonplace. We will then look back upon these days as we currently look back upon the days when other minority groups were discriminated against.

Women all over the country, including many of my friends, are mourning the end of “Sex and the City.” I never watched the show during its first five seasons, but decided to see what all the hype was about this year. I found that beyond all the shock value, it was a genuinely well acted and well written program. Each of the four main characters demonstrated considerable growth in their characters and last night we saw just how mature they have become. Charlotte’s determination to have a child despite her inability to conceive was rewarded with the news that she would be adopting a baby from China. She was so assured that the adoption process would work out that she was not upset to learn that a previous donor had backed out. Miranda’s initial reluctance to settle down and embrace love diminished as she not only embraced living with Steve in Brooklyn but even volunteered to take in his ailing mother. Samantha’s battle with cancer led her to recognize the good thing she had in front of her and, for the first time, embrace a monogamous relationship. And Carrie realized that her Parisian fantasy with Petrovsky was not quite the fantasy she had envisioned and returned to her true love – New York City. Plus, with Mr. Big (or should I say John) moving to NYC to live with her, it leaves the storylines open-ended enough to sustain an upcoming movie. So don’t worry, my “Sex” obsessed friends, the movie should indeed happen...one of these days.

"After careful thought and my desire to retire our supremely selected president, I've decided to run as an independent candidate for president," Nader said during an interview on NBC's "Meet the Press."

Unbelievable. That quote demonstrates just how deluded the man has become.

On to happier thoughts. As pitchers and catchers report to spring training, thoughts drift to nice weather and the upcoming baseball season. Below, I offer my predictions as to what the standings will look like. Don't hold me to it!

NL East
1. Phillies
2. Marlins
3. Braves
4. Mets
5. Expos

NL Central
1. Cubs
2. Astros (Wild Card)
3. Cardinals
4. Brewers
5. Reds
6. Pirates

NL West
1. Dodgers
2. Giants
3. D-Backs
4. Padres
5. Rockies

AL East
1. Yankees
2. Red Sox (Wild Card)
3. Blue Jays
4. Devil Rays
5. Orioles

AL Central
1. Royals
2. Twins
3. White Sox
4. Indians
5. Tigers

AL West
1. Mariners
2. Angels
3. A's
4. Rangers

Playoffs
Phillies d. Astros
Cubs d. Dodgers
Yankees d. Royals
Red Sox d. Mariners

Cubs d. Phillies
Red Sox d. Yankees

Cubs d. Red Sox

OK, so I'm partial to the cursed Cubs and Red Sox franchises. But they came so close last year and have each improved themselves in the offseason. If they fail to deliver this year, then they truly are cursed.

Tomorrow, Ralph Nader is going on "Meet the Press" and will announce that he is running for president again. To which I say to him, "You motherf---ing son of a b---h!" There, I feel better now. Actually no I don't. Nader's narcissism astounds me. Is he in the side pocket of the G.O.P. or something? So many Democrats and liberals are begging him not to run, hell even the Green Party won't have him on their ticket! Without Nader in the 2000 race, we win Florida, we win New Hampshire, we win several other states that would have put Gore in the White House. All we can hope is that those who voted for Nader four years ago refuse to do so again and that he becomes a fringe candidate with zero appeal.

Speaking of fringe candidates how about that Lyndon LaRouche? If you're asking "Who?", I don't blame you. He's basically a nutjob who's been running in the Democratic Primaries. Thankfully he was not invited to any of the debates and has received no mainstream attention in the press. The only attention he did get is when one of his supporters began heckling Howard Dean at a rally several weeks ago. He had to be subdued by many of the attendees, including Al Franken. Which reminds me, I highly recommend Franken's book "Why Not Me?" - a comedic look at what would happen if Franken ran for president and won.

Did you hear the latest from Bush's budget office? They want to consider fast food jobs at places like McDonalds, manufacturing jobs in order to inflate the U.S.'s job gains statistics. That's called cooking the books - supersized!

Cathy, the comic strip character, got engaged this week to her long-time boyfriend Irving. Immediately after that, Marcie and Peppermint Patty visited the San Francisco marriage licence office. Ba-dum-dum.

WrestleMania XX has crept up upon us. It is only 24 days away and I will be there with the ol’ nVo crew. Briar, if you’re reading this, yes you’re travel plans for that weekend are fine with me. In the spirit of merging wrestling with politics, I am providing a link to an article I wrote in 2000, likening the Florida recount mess with a pro wrestling tournament. Check it out!

Time for Survivor predictions. I think Susan is toast. Last week, Big Tom called her “a hag from hell.” She then went on to distance herself from the rest of the Chapera tribe. If they lose the challenge, she won’t have any allies to protect her. If Saboga loses, Ethan’s status as a past winner might do him in. The Mogo Mogo tribe is harder to call. They lost a member last week without voting so it’s unclear who is alligned with who. But then again, I don’t think they’ll lose the challenge.

Stay tuned to this blog in the upcoming days when I make my predictions on the 2004 baseball season!

In light of his disappointing third-place finish in Wisconsin last night, Howard Dean has returned home to Vermont. At 1:00 this afternoon he is going to announce the suspension of his campaign but, fear not Deaniacs, he will remain on the ballot! Well duh. Even Carol Mosley Braun’s name has remained on the ballot. For all intensive purposes though, this is a drop-out. In the span of 30 days, he fell from front-runner to also-ran who couldn't win a single primary. Quite a story for the political almanacs.

It’s not over for John Edwards though who came in a strong second last night. Just as he was beginning his speech, Kerry took the stage, bumping Edwards off of the major news networks. Now that’s playing hardball. So it looks like this campaign will continue at least until March 2 and I say that this is good news for Kerry. He needs to hone his campaigning skills and Edwards will provide him with healthy competition. Plus, Edwards is not likely to go negative on him. Plus, he’ll remain in the news and if he wins big on March 2, the media will make a bigger deal of it. At this point they’ll take all the free press that they can get.

The only thing I heard about Kucinich recently is that he was trying to get a date on the Tonight Show. I knew that was the only reason he was running for president... to get chicks.

Alexandra Polier, the girl who was falsely alleged of having an affair with Kerry, is on Friendster! The Daily News ran a story copying her profile where she described herself as “Just another hot piece of ass with a philosophy degree...” It appeared to be real though as the profile was created in May, 2003. I logged on this morning and found out that I am connected to her with only three degrees of separation! Of course, by this morning she took down all of the details in her profile and all that remains are the basic “name, age, occupation” stats.

Last night on “24”, Nina Myers got whacked! Gangland style. Although I wish it were Kim who got whacked instead, Nina’s execution was highly satisfying.
Jack : “You don’t have any more information, do you Nina?”
Nina : (whimpering) “Yes, I do”
Jack : “No you don’t.”
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

In previews for tonight’s episode of “24”, they’re hyping a confrontation between Nina and Kim with hints that Kim might be murdered. Please don’t tease us like that! Most “24” fans (yours truly included) have been rooting for Kim’s death for the past three seasons. If they fail to deliver, we’ll be mighty disappointed.

Yankee fans sure are excited about A-Rod coming. If he doesn’t hit in April though, will they call for his head as they did Giambi?

Today is the Wisconsin Primary. Will Dean finally drop out or will his delusion continue? My vote goes for delusion.

The Drudge Report is usually a fun place to visit while surfing the internet but they caused some anxious moments last week for the Kerry campaign. Drudge spread rumors that Kerry had an affair with a young woman. No proof whatsoever mind you, just rumors. Well the young lady released a statement yesterday denying that any affair took place. Now the story can go away and the G.O.P. can search for something else to smear Kerry with.

The comic strip of the day is “The Boondocks”...
Huey’s Friend : “Well they finally found a couple of people who saw George Bush serving in the Air National Guard during those months in 1972 when he allegedly never reported for duty.”
Huey : “Really? Who?”
Huey’s Friend : “Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.”
Huey : “You stupid.”

Another freezing cold day in NY. Good thing I'm off today. The winter hibernation continues.

Congrats to Eddie and Chavo Guerrero on respectively winning the SmackDown Heavyweight and Cruiserweight championships last night at No Way Out. They lie, they cheat, they steal!

Anyone up for a friendly game of Russian Roulette? I watched "The Deer Hunter" this weekend. Wow - what a powerful movie! It was 25 years ago that it won Best Picture, drawing a vivid depiction of the horrors of Vietnam. Apparently there was some controversy at the time because there wasn't any evidence that the Viet Cong actually used Russian Roulette as a torture device. It would be reassuring if they didn't because that is some scary shit! Especially the part when Christopher Walken, traumatized from his P.O.W. experiences, goes AWOL from the Army and starts voluntarily playing for fun. Shiver... If you want to see a happier movie, see "Miracle", a fun retelling of the triumph of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team.

The New York baseball world got pretty shook up over the weekend as the Yankees have acquired A-Rod from Texas. Now I'm a Mets fan so all I can do is sigh as Steinbrenner opens his wallet for another superstar. No doubt A-Rod is awesome and the Yankee lineup is going to be imposing this year. But if the movie "Miracle" taught us anything it's that championships are won by teams, not collections of All Stars. The '03 Marlins and '02 Angels didn't have any "stars", instead all 25 guys played well together collectively. That's the challenge for the Yankees, ensuring that all of these guys egos don't get in the way of the team's goals.

No work tomorrow. God bless the Presidents who made Presidents Day possible!

Yay! My blog now has a section where people can leave comments. Not as if anyone is actually READING this! :)

Whew! A weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can't go into the details but there's been a matter that has concerned me for the past two months. It was resolved earlier today to the best possible conclusion. Relief! Sorry to be cryptic but hey...

What is your life rated? G? PG-13? NC-17? Take this online poll to find out. (Mine was PG-13)

It’s Friday the 13th. Boo!

The front page of the “Daily News” proclaims, “Barbara Bush as you’ve never seen her before!” Yes, it vividly shows W’s daughter in an NYC club... DANCING!... with a BOY!!! Oh the scandal of it all. OK, so her dancing involves much dry humping. Big deal. Paris Hilton would be proud.

There has been a big controversy at St. John’s University where several members of the basketball team are facing expulsion over engaging the services of a prostitute. Now one of the players, Elijah Ingram, protests being targeted claiming that he was never told of any standards expected of the school’s athletes. “You mean I can’t screw a ho? Says who?!?!”

Last night, on “Survivor”, Jenna Morasca left the game to be with her ailing mother. Turns out that the rumor I heard was true. Unforunately, her mom passed eight days later. My condolences to the Morasca family. In better news, Richard fought a shark...and won! The sucker latched onto Rich’s arm for a good half hour until he beat him to death against a rock. Now that’s good TV.

I almost forgot. Happy Birthday, Abe Lincoln!!! (The greatest president of all time according to the Murray-Blessing survey!)

This morning I was at the chapel of Greenwood Cemetery. It’s a truly impressive piece of architecture. Although non-denominational, it clearly has predominant Christian overtones. That's a contrast from Vassar College’s non-denominational chapel which seemed to be more balanced. (I recall being surprised to see Jewish stars engraved on the windows) Anyway, the purpose of the visit was to prepare for the Parks Commissioner’s annual review of the borough next month and Greenwood was selected for aesthetic purposes. I look forward to soon touring the cemetary and seeing the graves of notorious NYC legends such as Boss Tweed and Bill the Butcher! (Both characters were prominently featured in “Gangs of New York”)

Today is Thursday which means that it’s Survivor night. Since there are three tribes, I’ll make three predictions as to who will be voted out assuming that each loses the immunity challenge. On Chapera, Boston Rob and Alicia have butted heads at camp but it appears that Susan Hawk is the most alienated tribe member. Last week she barely said a word which leads one to believe she is keeping to herself and has not made any alliances. On Mogo Mogo, the odds are against Jenna Morasca. She’s a past winner and rumors are also circulating that she might have left the show due to her mother’s illness at home. On Sabaga, they clearly cannot afford to lose a third consecutive immunity challenge. If they do, Jenna Lewis will target past winner Ethan. The only question is if Jerri and Rupert will go along with her. I don’t think they will. I think they’ll keep Ethan’s strength and vote off Jenna. Thus, my three picks for elimination (depending on who loses the challenge) are Susan, Jenna M. and Jenna L.

John Kerry's Jewish Roots...

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry, thought by many to be a "Boston Brahmin" of Irish-Catholic ancestry, was the grandson of Czech immigrants who had concealed their Jewish heritage.

The story begins in the hamlet of Horni Benesov on the tenth of May 1873--the day Benedikt and Mathilde Kohn had a son they named Fritz.
Like his father, Fritz became a simple brewer. Yet it was difficult for him to succeed in an area dominated by German-speaking Catholics. Many Jews hid their religious identity, posing as Gentiles. "It was easier to do business as a Christian," says Prague-based genealogist Julius Miller, who specializes in tracing Jewish lineage. "Many Jews just stopped practicing Judaism during this period and had no belief at all."

On March 17, 1902, shortly before his 30th birthday, Fritz took his wife Ida and infant son Erich to a government office in Vienna and changed their family name. Fritz Kohn would henceforth be known as Frederick Kerry. John Kerry is his grandson.

I’m not a big fan of cell phones. Yes, they are extremely useful in case of emergencies and I believe everyone should have one for that purpose. But more often than not, they are used frivolously and are a huge distraction. I constantly see people yakking on them while walking or driving through the City, while acting oblivious to their surroundings. It’s gotten to the point where some people value these stupid phones more than life itself. Case in point, Lina Villegas, an 18-year old who yesterday, dropped her phone onto a subway track, jumped onto the track to retrieve it, and was then killed by an oncoming train. It’s splashed across the front page of today’s “Daily News” as a huge tragedy and, while it is indeed tragic, I have no sympathy for such stupidity. First of all, odds are good that the train would have glided over the phone with no damage done and she could have called a member of the Transit Authority for assistance in retrieving it. But even if it couldn’t have been retrieved, it sickens me that one would risk their life for such a meaningless materialistic item.

Later today, Wesley Clark will announce that he is withdrawing from the Presidential race. General Clark, I salute you! I thought he was a fine candidate who would have fared well in a general election. However, as a novice to politics, his candidacy stumbled in the primaries and he failed to gain any traction. This became apparent when John Kerry surged ahead of the pack, using his Vietnam veteran credentials to his credit. Suddenly Clark wasn’t the only candidate who could argue that he was a decorated military vet. Hopefully, the general will remain active on the campaign trail and who knows? If we get a Kerry Administration, he might qualify as a good candidate for Secretary of Defense.

The winner of the dog show is Josh the Newfoundland! Which means that the poodle lost. Yay! So Josh, mazel woof on your victory. Drink all the toilet water you want tonight. You earned it.

This just in! The missing Russian presidential candidate has been found. And he's alive! I guess he just took a wrong turn somewhere.

New York City has gone to the dogs. The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show has taken over Madison Square Garden. This is the 128th annual show, which means that the first dog show took place in 1876 – roughly the year in which most of the judges were born. I don’t mean to be cruel but some of these judges look like they’ve been thawed and dusted off just for this occasion. And why, out of all the adorable dogs to choose from, do they always pick the standard poodle? They look so unnatural and unnerving. Maybe the poodle has a special financial arrangement with the judges. How else do you explain such a subjective decision? If the poodle wins Best in Show tonight, I won’t be happy.

My issue of "Newsweek" arrived in the mail yesterday. On the cover it says "Who Really Killed Jesus?" For a second, my eyes didn't quite register and I thought it said "You Really Killed Jesus." Great, there we go blaming the Jews again!

Now Dean is backing away from his statement the other day that he would drop out if he loses Wisconsin. Perhaps he saw the poll that has him trailing Kerry by 50 points. That’s OK. He can stay deluded until March 2 when New York and California will seal the deal for John Kerry – The Real Deal!

My friend Ben directed me to Lawrence Lessig’s blog. He is a law professor at Stanford and has some good commentaries on Ralph Nader and how egotistical he would be if he were to run for President again. Nader always attacked big businesses for not accepting the accountability of their actions. Now, Nader refuses to accept his own accountability in contributing to Bush’s election in 2000. It’s a shame to see what this once admirable man has become.

Tell me what you think of this blog! Send me feedback at noyes1@aol.com.

And we Americans thought that our electoral system was wacky! In Russia, presidential candidate Ivan Rybkin is missing. That's right, he's MISSING! Now if this were the old Soviet Union, it wouldn't be unreasonable to suspect foul play since any dissenters were routinely rounded up and sent to Siberia. But in this case, am I too naive to think that Russia has moved beyond such days? Rybkin was not a serious threat to Putin's reelection prospects so it might just be a coincidence that he's missing. Or maybe he's hiding on purpose in an effort to get some attention and maybe some sympathy votes. I just hope that Karl Rove doesn't get any ideas.

Speaking of Russian leaders, I'm reminded of a funny pattern that existed throughout the 20th Century. The pattern is that every other leader had hair and every other leader was bald. It goes like this : Lenin (bald), Stalin (hair), Khruschev (bald), Brezhnev (hair), Gorbachev (bald), Yeltsin (hair). Then Putin (hair) came in and the pattern got messed up.

Was I the only one who felt that not enough breasts were bared at the Grammys last night? It seems that CBS set a standard of expectations last week. The least they could do is live up to it.

I hate Mondays.

W on "Meet the Press" this morning : "Saddam was a danger... Dangerous man... Could have made dangerous nukes... Had to elimate this danger." I think Jon Stewart said it best the other day, mocking how the administration keeps repeating the word "danger", by exasperating... "Could you say that a few more times? I'm not retarded yet!"

But the best part was Bush's insistence that there was no way that an Islamic regime would come to power in Iraq. How can be so sure? He was assured so by the Iraqi Governing Council's Adnan Pachaci. He of the Iraqi TV series "Pajoanie Loves Pachaci." OK, that was another joke I borrowed from Jon Stewart.

Last night John Kerry won two more caucuses in Michigan and Washington. It's looking as if Edwards and Clark might flame out this Tuesday and Dean might call it quits the next week. Then when I go to the polls in New York on March 2 I'll have a choice of Kerry or Al Sharpton. Oh wait, there's always Dennis Kucinich. Can't forget about Kucinich.

Saw two very good movies yesterday : "American Splendor" and "Capturing the Friedmans". Thanks to Netflix for providing me with home delivery service. If only there wasn't such a long wait for "Lost in Translation" and "Spellbound."

It's too damn cold out. My winter hibernation continues...

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Rain Rain Rain. It’s been raining all day with no signs of letting up. But hey, it’s better than the ice storm we had earlier this morning. Despite the bad weather, I spent the morning at Coney Island for our first meeting of the year to discuss the Beach Opening! Nothing like a little bad weather to put you in the mood for some good weather.

The Krusty the Clown “Don’t Blame Me. I didn’t do it” game continues in Washington as CIA Director George Tenet denies ever saying that Iraq posed an imminent threat. OK, but isn’t that what the White House told us? No! Word from the White House is that they never used the word “imminent” either. Now I don’t know if they ever used that specific word but, if not, they sure used a hell of a lot of synonyms. Let the fallout continue!

In sports news, Lennox Lewis, boxing’s heavyweight champion of the world, announced his retirement today. This creates a vacancy in the heavyweight division that will surely be filled with exciting fighters like... um... uh... nope, none come to mind. Tyson and Holyfield are washed up. Roy Jones has gone back down to light heavy. James Toney is out for the year with an injury. Chris Byrd and John Ruiz are the most boring “champions” in recent memory. Corrie Sanders has only one big upset win to his credit. The only promising fighters on the horizon are the Klitschko brothers, Vitali and Wladimir. The Ukranians just might be the second coming of Ivan Drago! “If he dies, he dies...” Nah, they’re not really that good. But you can bet that HBO will market them that way.

And on “Survivor” last night, I’m sad to say that 75-year old, NAVY SEAL Rudy Boesch was voted out. Can’t blame them for doing it since he was a huge liability during the challenges but it was still sad to see him go.

Have a great weekend!

This just in! Howard Dean has told his supporters that he MUST win the Wisconsin Primary and that he will drop out if he loses. To which his supporters replied, "We're coming in droves to help you out! Now where the hell is Wisconsin?"

Yesterday the Massachusetts Supreme Court affirmed that homosexuals have a right to marry as they wrote “The history of our nation has demonstrated that separate is seldom, if ever, equal.” Props to the Court for recognizing that the issue boils down to equal protection under the law. Of course, W is in a tizzy over the ruling, decrying the actions of “activist judges.” Um no, Mr. President. Activist judges would be those who put you in office by stopping the Florida recount.

Now in my line of work we receive many inquiries from the public on how they may organize special events in public parks. These events have ranged from concerts to picnics to ritual sacrifices. Yesterday I got a phone call from a woman who wanted to hold a Breast Feeding event. To which my co-worker replied, “Jeez, do they have to shove it in our faces?” The baby’s sentiments exactly.

Gov. Jesse “The Body” Ventura is going to teach at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Goverment! Is it too late for me to enroll? I’m still waiting for him to move to California and challenge Gov. Schwarzenegger in the ultimate battle to settle the score left over from that classic film... “Predator”.

Joaquim de Almeida is sure getting around! Less than 24 hours after his Ramon Salazar got bumped off on “24”, he showed up on “The West Wing” as a South American diplomat wooing C.J. Now that’s an impressive resurrection!

My pick to get voted off of “Survivor : All Stars” tonight : Jenna Morasca, the Playboy & swimsuit model who won in the Amazon.

Wednesday, February 4

Let it not be said that I was never one to jump on a bandwagon. Much as my presidential allegience shifted from Joe Lieberman (from Dec. 2000 – Summer 2003) to Wesley Clark (Summer 2003 – two weeks ago) to John Kerry (two weeks ago until hopefully the next eight years!), I am joining the ever-so-popular trend of publishing a web blog. Why? Why not. So thanks for coming! And I hope to entertain you for many years, months, weeks or until whenever my attention span wears out.

In this space you can find my humorous observations on news, politics, the media, or whatever I feel like satirizing at a particular moment. I begin today by sending my best wishes to Joe Lieberman – the first Jew to run for president – and, as of today, the first Jew to fail in his presidential bid. Just as Jews around the world continue to wait for Messiah, we continue to wait for a Jewish president. Wait, what if they turn out to be the same person? Now that would be cool.

And by winning 5 out of 7 primaries last night, John Kerry looks more and more dominant in his quest for the nomination. Now think about this. Kerry is tall, gaunt, statuesque. If you put a beard and a top hat on him, who would he remind you of? ... “Four score and seven years ago” ... Yes, it’s Lincoln! Kerry should run as if he is the second coming of Lincoln. He’d win in a landslide. Well, maybe not among the NASCAR dad demographic...

In TV news, on “24” they killed off the Salazar brothers last night but not before a footchase ensued over possession of the virus. It seems that everytime I see a footchase on TV these days, I think of the chase music from “Benny Hill”and I expect to see horny old men chasing after bikini-clad women. But that’s just me. And Kim Bauer continues to act like the biggest moron on television by pulling the Director of CTU away from a huge crisis to discuss her co-worker Chloe’s childcare issues. For those who do not know, Kim is the dumbest character to be portrayed on any series past or present and she will receive no free passes in this forum!

Anyway, whereas “24” has become a bit lame, “Survivor : All Stars” has arrived! (That was the REAL highlight of Sunday night, not the football game or Janet’s peep show). Australian winner Tina Wesson was eliminated on Sunday as past winners are being targeted. Look out Richard Hatch! But the two most popular survivors ever, Rudy and Rupert, have formed an alliance that hopefully will take them far. In the meantime, after three days on the island, noone has any food, water or fire. Let’s see how long they can last before Jeff Probst has to save their sorry asses.

Until tomorrow!